The 6 at 6 …featuring Jayaprakash Satyamurthy

Posted in General, Interviews, The 6 at 6, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on September 6, 2020 by jezzywolfe

Jayaprakash Satyamurthy lives in Bangalore, India, a place that has provided a lush, distinctive backdrop for his many weird, Lovecraftian stories and poetry. With his wife, he owns and operates a shelter and rescue for the local cat population. His social media is an intriguing concoction of cats, stunning artwork, pristine vinyls, societal observation, a few more cats…

And doom metal. 

I am personally looking forward to getting my paws on his latest release, a poetry collection published by those awesome lit freaks over at Clash Books. BROKEN CUP is a mix of folklore, legends, and memories woven into verses and packaged with a decadent cover. As someone with a lifelong fascination in India and its intriguing culture and history, I really wish I’d conducted this interview in person and over coffee, rather than over the internet. Discussing poets. Music. All them cats. Possibly while listening to REM.

In fact, pretend that’s exactly what we were doing, as we had this discussion…

 

1. At what age did you start reading poetry, and which poets (or authors) were your earliest favorites?

I definitely started reading poetry at least as soon as I started reading longer books – The Lord of the Rings was the first ‘grown up’ book, or rather series of books, that I read. I remember liking some poems by Edgar Alan Poe, Walter De La Mare and Tennyson, but the first two poets I really took to and bought books by were DH Lawrence (whose poetry deserves to be more widely read) and Charles Baudelaire. I was also very into John Donne as a teenager, but for whatever reason, it’s been a long time since I’ve reread him. 

 

2. When reading your older poetry, I was struck by some of its poignant nostalgia. Do these poems mirror your own childhood memories, or are they purely artistic creations? Do your loved ones and memories influence the poetry in your new collection?

I’m uncomfortable with the idea of nostalgia. It suggests a rosy-eyed view of the past, a longing to return to verities that all too often never existed. I believe we must deal with the present and prepare for the future. But the world has changed so very much. I’m only in my forties, but I think I’ve seen a rate of change that earlier generations, especially in India, have not. My high school years already felt like a different world from my primary school years, which still had traces of the colonial past, of centuries-old ways of doing things, or at least of how they were done a generation ago. My parents could more or less recognize the kinds of school bags, pencil boxes and so on I took to school, for example. I didn’t have access to gadgets unknown to their youth, until my first Walkman (when I was around 12 or 13), and even then, small, personal cassette players were not completely unknown even before Sony’s innovation. The world I live in now is, in turn, so different from the one I knew in my twenties. This constant change is what probably drives me to the past. I want to try and chronicle, to acknowledge who I and the world were. I don’t long for the 80s – I hate 80s nostalgia and I think in many ways the decade was an aesthetic void. Looking back is mainly a way to underscore where and who I am, I suppose, by acknowledging the past and all that has changed since. On a very personal level I sometimes feel a pang for times gone by, yet I’m happier and more secure now than at any time in my life previously – which is part of why I distrust nostalgia. But I don’t distrust the past – it happened, and we must keep an eye on it, or others will rearrange it for us. 

So yes, a lot of the reminiscences in my poetry are from my own life. Most of what I refer to in my poems is autobiographical, except when it’s not, but I don’t write confessional poetry. 

Yes, BROKEN CUP touches on some of my own memories and some of the poems refer to specific people and incidents from my past, I hope in a way that finds some universal resonance in these specific memories. Drawing on my own life keeps me grounded as a poet, prevents from coming over magisterial and trying to speak from on high, for the ages. 

 

3. As a musician and songwriter, do you find that music inspires your poetry, or does poetry inspire your music? Have any of your poems ever been transformed into songs?

I wish I could write songs with the relative ease and artistry with which I write poetry. In music, I always feel like a foreigner, someone using a language that they have acquired skill in, but were not born to. I see my lyrics as very functional, as strings of suitable words for a heavy metal or doom metal song. I find more of a relationship between how I perceive and create musical structures and how I write. I definitely try to be alive to the music of words, to find resonances and sympathies even if I don’t rhyme, and in my slightly longer poems I approach structure a lot like when I compose music. 

 

4. I love to play music in the background as I write, but often find listening to vinyl so immersive, it pulls me out of my headspace. Do you enjoy listening to music as you write? Which bands/artists are the most effective for you, and do you prefer to hear them digitally or on vinyl as you are writing?

When I get an idea for a poem I tend to tune out whatever else is happening, and I don’t have a particular time to write poetry, so background music doesn’t really factor in as part of the process. I also tend to ignore music when I’m writing fiction. If it’s playing, I usually let it play, but my ears are effectively put on standby while I write. My vinyl player is in our living room at home and I play records either when I am just listening for a few hours, or during mealtimes downstairs or just while having a drink. I listen to music digitally in the bedroom, usually new music or new to me, picking out what I’d like to acquire on vinyl or at least CD later on. I think music is so omnipresent in my routine that I can’t consciously say if it is part of my writing process or not. 

 

5. In these times of great stress, we often seek out vices to help us cope. What do you find are your most reliable ways to combat anxiety and emotional fatigue?

It helps to mellow out with a couple of drinks in the evening, but apart from a short period when there had been a ban on liquor sales and after it was lifted, I don’t specifically want to drink to cope with stress. Listening to music and reading are important ways I cope. I read a lot of cosy mysteries when I’m stressed – that’s my literary vice. And I can almost always lose myself in music. Often, with anxiety or bad emotional states, I talk myself through my problems in my mind – something I started doing in my twenties. I have a slight analytic bent, and this kind of internal dialogue and stock taking helps. I do get bouts of anxiety, and depression, but I try to contextualize them, remind myself that they are not necessarily giving me an accurate picture of my situation, and this helps me function around them. 

I’m also very good at falling asleep when my mind needs a break. 

 

6. Do you ever serenade your cats? What genre of music do they prefer?

I often make up and sing funny little songs to them. It would be too embarrassing to share any of them with the rest of the world! My cats often respond to heavy, bass-laden music by calming down and going to sleep. I have no idea what this means. 


Jayaprakash Satyamurthy is a writer and musician. He lives in Bangalore with his wife and an army of rescued dogs and cats. He also plays the bass guitar in the doom metal band Djinn and Miskatonic. His other publications include two chapbooks of short stories, Weird Tales of a Bangalorean and A Volume of Sleep, and a short novella, Strength of Water. He is on twitter as @flightofsand where he likes to post cute cat pictures and increasingly demented opinions on the state of the world.

Look for Jayaprakash on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/jayaprakash.satyamurthy. His blog can be found at https://aaahfooey.blogspot.com

Wanna check out his doom metal band, Djinn and Miskatonic? Head on over to https://djinnandmiskatonic.bandcamp.com.

 

A Dose of Nightmare ~ The Facts in the Case of Mister Hollow

Posted in horror films, short films with tags , , , , , on August 16, 2020 by jezzywolfe

 

Lights off.     Sound up.     Thank me after…

 

 

I recently viewed the 2012 horror film, The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh, which I plan to review shortly. It is a thoroughly glorious and completely frustrating film, to say the least. But as I was doing a bit of research on it, I discovered that the director, Rodrigo Gudiño, wrote and directed a particularly unique short film several years prior.

The Facts in the Case of Mister Hollow is an exploration into a story embedded in a single photograph. This is a remarkable debut, winning 6 individual awards at various film festivals, and for good reason. Let me know what you think of it in the comments.

THE 6 AT 6 …featuring M. Ennenbach

Posted in General, Interviews, The 6 at 6, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on August 6, 2020 by jezzywolfe

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At least twice a day, on any given day, I receive an email notification that a site I’m subscribed to has released a new post. The vast majority of these posts are simply poems. Though I wouldn’t call any of the poems simple, by any definition.

Mike’s Manic Word Depot is the online home of one Mike Ennenbach — an author and poet who seems to exist in an alternate dimension where (apparently) he breathes poetry. I mean, how else do you account for a blog that currently boasts over 3700 posts over the past 3 years? Some months had as many as 235 posts! I just… holy cow.

I am rather awestruck, I cannot lie.

It goes without saying, there is much on his site I haven’t had an opportunity to check out, thus far. It is an impressive catalogue of creativity. You are looking at the lady who struggles to make more than a couple posts in a month’s time, so to stumble across such an impressive trove of poetry is basically the wordsy equivalent of the end of the rainbow.

Recently, his second collection of poetry, (un)fettered, was released for purchase. So I spent some time talking to Mike, and it went a little something like this…

 

1. I’ve noticed you post an impressive amount of poetry on your blog. Are these the poems you gather into published collections, or are those poems written specifically for your blog?

I gather from my daily poetry for the bulk of collections, but I also have quite a back lot of stuff that hasn’t been on my blog. I never imagined anyone would read any of it. I certainly never considered them making it to print. Once I found my voice after a while of just screaming until my throat was bloody, people in the community began to notice. I owe a great deal to Tara and River, two established bloggers with immense talent that took it on themselves to champion my writing. Patrick C Harrison as well. It feels like a dream, honestly.

2. Your poetry resonates with me because it reminds me of a personal favorite, e.e. cummings…even though you have mentioned never having read him. So, who would you consider your biggest influence?

It’s embarrassing, but I honestly was never a fan of poetry. I’ve since discovered a few poets that speak to me. Bukowski, my favorite and personal totem. Richard Brautigan, who is more well known for his novels. Loading Mercury With A Pitchfork is ridiculously brilliant. Celan and Nerudo wrote beautiful lines. But none of them were influences on my style. I would say Sage Francis, Aesop Rock, Joey Ramone, Hank Williams and a thousand other rappers and singers made me who I became. Then about three thousand poems of trial and error.

3. Do you find it helpful to listen to music as you write? If so, what are your musical go-tos?

I always have music playing when writing. Ryo Fukui, a Japanese jazz pianist is a common play. Bill Evans Trio. For the last year I’ve been addicted to IDLES – Joy as an act of Resistance. A lot of punk rock, outlaw country, and Minneapolis hip hop. If the words mean something or the music takes me somewhere, I will listen to it.

4. Current events seem to present themselves often in your work. Are the poems a way for you to cope with these precariously changing times, or do you find them to simply be fruitful fodder for creativity?

It’s funny, because I see it after the fact. Nine times out of ten, a poem begins with an image. I see it and the blank page and begin to describe it. There is no intent. I don’t think about anything and let the words do all of the work. It’s like when you stand in the shower and let the water run down your hands to the tub. I may be a conduit but I don’t try and control it. I’d say the world around me heavily influences that subconscious flow for sure.

5. What creates the most ideal environment when you sit down to write? What would one find in your favorite space?

I write most everything on my phone so there is no necessary designated space. Most of it is written in parking lots between service calls for my non-writing gig. I get inspired while driving around, looking at the things that fill this crazy world. The rest is laying in bed in the darkness staring up at the ceiling.

6. Do you think owning your own personal wombat would impact the style of your poetry? Is it true wombats love a good limerick?

I don’t know if I would feel the need to ever write again if I could cuddle my own wombat. But to any wombats out there reading this:

There once lived a wombat on the stoop,
He loved to eat berries and leaves but not soup,
The poor little guy was really quite blind,
But he had a most wonderfully special behind,
So he found his way home by square poop

 

M Ennenbach is a poet from Illinois that has found himself in love with Texas. He has two perfect children. He is one third of Cerberus, a writing collective that has plans for World Domination. His debut novel, Hunger on the Chisholm Trail is out now from Death’s Head Press. He has two poetry collections, (un)poetic, out now and (un)fettered out August 11th from Potter’s Grove Press.

You can find him on the internet at mennenbach.com. Purchase his poetry collections by clicking the covers.

 

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Available NOW: Space & Time Magazine issue 137

Posted in General, news, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on July 27, 2020 by jezzywolfe

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July 2020 sees the awaited release of Space & Time’s summer issue, available now for purchase on their website.

Featuring the stellar works of such favorites as Jonathan Maberry and David Hammond, Anton Cancre, Lee Murray, Ashley Dioses, a poem from yours truly, and many, many others, this issue promises to indulge and entertain.

Pick up a copy today!

SpaceandTime announce

THE 6 AT 6 …featuring Jessica McHugh

Posted in Interviews, The 6 at 6 with tags , , , , , on July 6, 2020 by jezzywolfe

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Jessica McHugh is a force of nature. Professionally, as well as personally. Her vivacious charisma and infectious smile are as endearing as they are engaging, and her ability to bend both words and limbs are skills that I find rather enviable. As someone who has purchased both her novels and her individual blackout poems, I can honestly say that she is the very definition of a born entertainer.

Blackout poetry, in case you are unfamiliar, is poetry created from the pages of previously published literature. Anything published is fair game for a Blackout’s pen… articles, op-eds, classic and modern fiction. While it might seem, on its face, a simple process, only one with a keen eye and keener mind can see the poetry embedded on the page.

What makes Jessica unique is her approach. She employs color and shape to her poems, so what emerges is not just a poem, but individual pieces of visual art. Stylish and vibrant, much like the artist. Very recently, her collection of blackout poems inspired by Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and titled A COMPLEX ACCIDENT OF LIFE, was published and released by Apokrupha Press. You can pick up this gem HERE.

This week, I sat down and chatted briefly with Jessica about her poetry and process.

 

1. Blackout Poetry is a fun way to ‘recycle’ literature. When did you create your first blackout poem, and from which publication was it created?

My first attempt at blackout poetry failed immensely. I thought I’d find a cool sci-fi poem in the pages of Game Informer, but I don’t think I even finished because it was so bad! A couple years later I tried again with “Let Me Tell You,” a book of stories and essays by Shirley Jackson, which I inexplicably found at Dollar Tree. I fell in love with the found poetry process because of that book, and I still use it! Most of what I send patrons to my blackout poetry tier on Patreon receive pieces from “Let Me Tell You.”

2. Did you read a lot of poetry growing up, and if so, which poets and/or styles appealed to you most?

Oh yes. I’ve always loved reading and writing poetry. I still have bunches of notebooks filled with terrible poetry from middle school on. And I remember being so excited about an assignment to memorize a poem to recite in front of my elementary school class that I memorized two: The Unicorn by Shel Silverstein and How Do I Love Thee by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I got pretty heavy into Walt Whitman in my teens, even carrying around a dog-eared, highlighted, oft-wrinkled by bathwater copy of Leaves of Grass and writing several poems “in the style of Whitman” that I posted on my Geocities site. I also remember being obsessed with Jim Morrison’s poetry for a time and would eventually base my novel “Nightly Owl, Fatal Raven” off his piece “Crossroads.” So, like my musical tastes, I’m pretty eclectic when it comes to poetry. I wanna experience it all.


3. You share a lot of content on your social media about yoga and dancing. Do these physical activities serve as meditation to prepare you for creating, or are these things done strictly for physical benefit?

I think dancing is just the default setting on this particular model of Jess. I love dancing, all kinds, in private and while venturing around town in my favorite pair of bright yellow heels. When I suffered a pinched nerve at the beginning of May, I wasn’t able to dance for almost six weeks, and it was torturous. Thank goodness I’m back to annoying folks with my non-stop flailing.

Yoga is a different story. I initially started about seven years ago to help treat back pain, but it’s become a huge part of maintaining my physical, mental, and emotional well-being. At the end of last year I began making a concerted effort to learn handstands and other balances, and I was well on my way until the pinched nerve derailed my progress. I’m eight weeks into the healing process now and rebuilding strength so I can resume my goal of achieving an unassisted handstand by the year’s end. And while both of these activities do benefit me physically, I believe they also have a positive impact on my creativity. The better I feel in mind and body, the more energized and jazzed up I am, the better for my productivity.

4. Describe your ideal setup for a session of kick-ass creativity.

Sitting at my favorite patio bar on a sunny day with good music, cold beer, and life bustling beautifully around me as I write a new story in a fresh notebook. Oh, and there’s no damnhellass Covid-19.

5. What habits or routines do you have that help you cope with the current state of dystopia we find ourselves in?

Dancing and yoga are two of my biggest ways of battling depression and anxiety in dystopia and otherwise, but I don’t think I could get through any of this if I couldn’t laugh every day with my husband. No matter how stressed or sad or angry I get at the neverending hellscape that has been leaking into our universe a little more everyday, he never fails to lift my spirits or make me feel supported.

6. If Norm and Grace were CATastic pop stars, which one would be the biggest diva?

Norm, for sure! He’s loud, demanding, and he’s always preening in front of us like we’ve completely forgotten he exists. He’s pretty great like that.

 

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Pick up a copy of A Complex Accident of Life today!

Jessica McHugh is a novelist, poet, and internationally-produced playwright running amok in the fields of horror, sci-fi, young adult, and wherever else her peculiar mind leads. She’s had twenty-four books published in twelve years, including her bizarro romp, “The Green Kangaroos,” her YA series, “The Darla Decker Diaries,” and her blackout poetry collection, “A Complex Accident of Life.” Please visit JessicaMcHughBooks.com for more samples of the McHughniverse.

You can also find Jessica on Twitter and Instagram at @thejessmchugh

New News!

Posted in General, news, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on July 1, 2020 by jezzywolfe

A few quick announcements for ya…

This month, I will be adding some new features and content to this page. A regular update with new announcements for publications, for instance. (As I do, in fact, have some coming up…)

I will be adding some nightmare fuel, for those of you browsing in the dark hours of night. Because otherwise, those bumps in the night are probably just foundation issues. Not fun.

I will also be adding a monthly interview with impressive poets and authors that I know, and who you will want to know. It’s called THE 6 AT 6, and it will be premiering on the 6th. At 6 pm. (Check out all those 6s! Spoopy!)

So, keep your eyes peeled. Great things are coming.

Hang in there, my friends!

 

Apocalyptic Announcements

Posted in General, news, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on April 28, 2020 by jezzywolfe

 

Hey, you!

Popping in to see how everyone is holding up. Any zombies yet? Yes? No?

Stay active, stay upright!

(Responsibly and considerately, of course.)

I had a few things to drop on you guys, so hopefully, your brain matter is a fine shade of gray today. I am doing well, these days. Moving right along…

 

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My first poetry collection, Monstrum Poetica, is now completed. I don’t have publishing information for you just yet, but what I can tell you is this… 17 monsters, 50 poems, and a wonderful introduction by New York Times Bestseller and FIVE Time Bram Stoker Award Winner JONATHAN MABERRY. Because go big or go home, amiright? I will be posting more updates for this when I have them, but keep your eyes on this space for news.

And that brings me to my next announcement. Angela Yuriko Smith, fantastic poet and editor of the highly respected magazine, SPACE & TIME, interviewed me for a spotlight on her blog. That interview is up now and can be read HERE. Stop by and show her some love, because she is a wonderful wordsmith that you are probably missing out on. You’re welcome.

Speaking of SPACE & TIME, guess which magazine is publishing one of my poems? Look out for their summer issue, coming this June, to find my poem ‘Mother, Mad’. You know, you should be reading these guys, anyway. They have been around a long time, and that says a LOT about the quality of their work. I am honored to make an appearance in their pages.

I will be adding some features to my blog, as well. Look for interviews with some impressive poets and authors to start gracing my blog in the near future. People you should read, people you should follow, people worth your time and appreciation.

Take care of yourselves, friends. And thank you so very much for your encouragement and companionship. We are none of us alone… don’t be afraid to reach out to those around you. You may never know when you make all the difference to someone struggling in silence.

Things are about to get lively. ❤

~ Jezz

My Dystopian Present

Posted in General, Uncategorized with tags , , , on March 26, 2020 by jezzywolfe

Nothing like a pandemic to amp up all that paranoia, am I right?200204130938-cdc-coronavirus-illustration-large-169

Every cough. Every sore throat. Every ache. I experience these things typically, anyway, but these days, they are more ominous. Typical allergies. Typical symptoms of being a healthy woman who has not yet experienced ‘the change.’ And the news isn’t reassuring. More articles surfacing about otherwise healthy people dying from the virus. People my age. People with no known health issues, otherwise. People they assured us would be okay.

Not that it is ever okay to dismiss casualties as just a given. They are numbers to most of us, but they are the universe to someone out there. They are never easily written off. Never expendable.

And too many people are happy to show us their true colors. Those colors happen to be inhumane, greedy, hypocritical, callous, arrogant, and cold-hearted. Check your newest box of crayons.

They are in there. The ugliest colors in the box.

My family is safe and at home. On the bright side, we have food, shelter, entertainment. I have much writing to do, and many reno projects I can focus on. I have my adorable ferrets to love on. We are still at risk anytime we must leave the house, and while we do take precautions, short of a full body hazmat suit, it never feels like enough. So we avoid it as much as possible. We won’t starve anytime soon. Plus, we are stocked on the toilet paper.

Finances have me on edge, as I am sure they do everyone, right now. I border sheer panic a few times a day, currently. I keep reminding myself this is a temporary situation. But no one knows how temporary. If we were buying our house, I would have already talked to our mortgage company. But I don’t have that option and I suspect we won’t be given any leniency, despite the fact every single one of our jobs are officially shut down.

It will pass. It will pass. It will pass. Breathe.

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Each-uisges are the most dangerous of the water horse.

I haven’t updated in a while, so to let you know where things are for me, I have been putting more effort into my poetry. I’ve pushed it in the direction of horror. Currently, I am at work on my first collection, titled MONSTRUM POETICA. A collection of poems about various monsters from around the world. There are the standards… vampires, werewolves, zombies… but I wanted to go beyond that and dig into creatures not as mainstream. I’m talking wendigos and mothmen and bubaks and each-uisges and jinn and aswangs and yokai. Just to name a few. Wink.

Turns out, there’s a lot of really twisted stuff out there. I am having a blast learning about it. And the challenge of transferring it into poetry, well, I am up for it. You’ll see.

When I am able, I will make more announcements about this upcoming collection. I

Manananggal

The Manananggal is a particularly evil aswang, popular in filipino folklore

already have some exciting details I could add, but they will have to wait. I am nearing completion as far as composing the poems. Then there will be edits and formatting, gathering an introduction, etc. That’s before any announcements can be made as far as publishing information.

But, rest assured, it will happen. I have plenty of downtime right now to make it so.

And I will.

Stay tuned, stay home, and stay safe, my friends.

 

 

The Year of the Shatter < Shattering the Glass Roomba

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on January 1, 2020 by jezzywolfe

On this eve of another year, I look back at the road behind me. And all I can see is what has been lost along the way.

I’ve seen many posts from friends, fondly recalling the victories of 2019. I’ve read all of it with a smile. Good for them. And I mean that sincerely. I am happy to see friends doing well. Winning at life. Floating by on their impeccable Roombas.

I need to see that. All my friends. All those Roombas. Even if it is just to distract me from my own pitiful reminiscing.

Because there is no winning in this, I’m afraid. No impeccable Roomba. Hell, I didn’t even come away from this one with a second-hand Swiffer.

I have always known I will never be one of those ‘cool kids’  that makes up the nucleus of a fantastic social solar system. I’ve always been too quiet, too awkward, for that. I’m the one on the outside. The observer. Of course, we all say this about ourselves, don’t we? That we are all outsiders? But I can out-outside-awkardly-observe the best of them. It’s true. I am so good at it, in fact, I’d still only manage to nab an honorable mention for it. That damn good.

I’m too old to change this about myself. It’s not even my worst quality, so why try? In the end, it won’t be my keen sense of not fitting in that holds me back. All of that lies soundly within me. The ability to sit on my hands and decide I am not good enough. I’ve honed that skill for decades, now. It’s a razor, that one. I don’t need anyone else to point out the flaws I already know by heart.

I suppose by now you are waiiting for me to announce what I plan to change this coming year.

Frankly, I don’t know. I don’t do resolutions, I just decide to do whatever it is I do. I could make a list of things I wish would happen. Things worth praying for, should I chose to pray. But I don’t believe any of that will help. And please don’t see this as an opportunity to impart some great, spiritual secret with me, please. Those aren’t secrets. That was my life before. And that chapter closed a year ago. I learned the hard way that it was never my prayers or wishes that mattered in the first place.

Needless to say, 2019 was a harrowing year. The Year of the Shatter. Your experience may have varied. God, I really hope, for your sake, it did.

The year before ended so painfully, I could not fathom how it could get worse. But it did. Wow. Financially, it was a nightmare that I have yet to wake from. Professionally, it was a void. It started off with flickers. Tiny candle flames.

But then came all the damn rain. Not even a wisp of smoke remained.

There will be a time I can look back and see the things I learned from this. I will see where my strengths took root and grew. I am not there yet, so this is my version of optimism. It’s all I can muster right now. The desperate plea to the Universe that this fuckery lets up on me.

That there is a light, and no, it is not an oncoming train.

But I won’t know that for a while. I am not there yet. One day. Someday.

I will say, I think my voice continues to grow. I’ve written quite a bit of new poetry. I’ve written new fiction. Haven’t put it out there yet, but I will. Eventually.

Maybe soon, I will join you all. I will have my own impeccable Roomba. Maybe even before Roombas become passe, and everyone else has moved on to Sub-Atomic Dust Busters. Or Hadron Collider Dirt Devils.

All I can do… all I can ever do… is hope.

Burn a candle for me.

 

SQUIRREL!

Posted in General, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on September 8, 2019 by jezzywolfe

It’s rather frustrating.

I start every day with the intention of sitting down and knocking another WIP out of my To Be Completed folder. I have good intentions, really.

I open up the folder.

“No, nope, nooo, no, hell no.”

And then I stare at the various projects and try to figure out why the hell I can’t just finish one before starting the next?

If you know, I am all ear…eyes…because I have no answer.

There are days I work on Lui and Jax and cannot believe how well it is moving. I open it up the next day, and it’s the equivalent of slug racing. That’s also an apt description of how impressed I am with what I wrote the day before. So I close it up and move on.

I open one of a dozen and a half different short stories in various stages of unfinish, and can’t remember where I wanted the story to go. Or why.

If I am at home in my cave, my eyes will wander away from the screen and fall on any

one of a dozen projects that piled up in front of my bookshelves or on my desk. The clutter distracts me. I feel guilty for taking the time to write when there is chaos everywhere I look.

Sometimes I will try to overcome that particular obstacle by spending a few hours at a Starbucks with my tablet. I can often make decent progress there. The downside to that plan is the delicious temptations in the glass case. My widening gut and backside can attest to that.

It feels like I haven’t found the perfect solution. Or the perfect schedule. I spend about FOUR hours a day driving. Not all at once, but throughout the day. Which does not help me formulate a steady schedule for myself. If I want to focus on writing, it usually means I can’t focus as much on exercise.

(Before anyone balks, I know well that there are plenty of authors who make time to keep themselves in shape. They have all my admiration and respect, because I can’t figure out my happy medium to save my life.)

This is where I am now. Frustrated. Scared. Irritated. Disheartened. Bordering hostility. Hating my reflection as much as my lack of discipline.

I questioned if I wasn’t struggling with some amount of Attention Deficit Disorder. Maybe I am, who knows? As much as I love to read, I find it ever more challenging to focus. When did I become this scattered? Maybe I should see a doctor about this?

The reasons I haven’t are another can of worms.

SO… I sit here. Glaring at this screen. My cave is tidier, but I still feel pulled in a thousand directions. I’m trapped inside myself and unable to grab the reins.

 

 

I want to be more than this. I used to believe I could be. How do I get back on track?