In These Last Hours of the Year

Spending this evening alone was not the best idea I’ve had for New Years.

As always, I will not make resolutions. There is simply to do. I won’t make promises primed for breaking.

I am finding words hard tonight. My hands are freezing, for one, but I have started and deleted this post several times already. Too much to say, and yet nothing worth saying. All at once. So i will keep it brief, and then I will return to my wine and my fur baby, Luna. It’s just her and I tonight.

I don’t need pity or sympathy. Many have it much worse than I do. I recognize that. I have many things in my life to be grateful for. And for all those things, I am. But for all that I have, it feels like I’ve lost just as much.

But I don’t know what the future will hold, friends. I am uncertain how long I will remain in the horror community. I am not sure there’s really a place for me in it, honestly. I’ve been focused on my new career and everything spins and turns just as smoothly without me in it. So tonight, that sits up in the air, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I am rather sad about it.

The close of the year is never kind to me, really.

I miss my mom.

I miss my babies… Leo, Popcorn, Beelzebub, Kali, Shiva, Loki, Azzy, Lili, Zeekaboo, Cthuhlu, Shenanigans, Furiosa, Pixi… I cherish every moment I still have with Luna, she’s my world now. But I know that one day she will leave to join them, and then that chapter in my life will close.

She’s with me tonight, and I will forever cherish this time with her. 

So, with that, my hopes for the next year…

I hope that come this time, next year, I am sitting under whatever roof belongs to me, in a place I can truly call mine.

I hope I will have found my way on this path I’ve taken.

I hope that there will still be a few people that care that I’m around.

I hope that I am less lonely.

I hope the nights are far less dark and cold.

I hope that I am more optimistic.

I hope I find it again.

I hope nothing but happiness and light for you.

See you on the other side.

Goodbye, 2022…

Here we are again, perched on the precipice of another era. It’s just another night. In the biggest picture, it’s not even noteworthy. But some of you will celebrate like you just survived the worst time of your lives.

You might have, though. Who am I to say?

I don’t like looking back. There is something painfully bittersweet in remembering what you put behind you. What you survived. I made some major changes this past year, though nothing too dramatic as far as writing goes.

However, I am a different person now. Professionally.

And emotionally.

I said goodbye to Shenanigans and Furiosa, and lost a huge chunk of me in the process.

I embraced a new career path, one which I am now learning to navigate. This was not something I even spied on my horizon this time a year ago. I made a quick decision and I took a leap. I wasn’t sure I could even do it.

But I did.

I don’t know where a year will put me. Will Pixi and Luna still be with me? Will I see another collection published? Will I see multiple pieces published? Will I feel better about myself, physically? Will I be healthier, stronger, confident?

For all those things, I have hope.

Whatever it is that your heart desires, that you want to achieve, that you want to hold on to… I hope those things for you. I wish you success. I hope this next chapter takes your breath away. That your path is smooth and clear and pulls you along like a warm ocean current.

The things I wish for myself, for now, will stay locked inside my heart.  Some dreams are only meant for sleeping.  Some visions are never meant for sharing.

Just know, whether or not our paths ever cross…  or ever cross again…  

You are a star to me.

So shine.

Always.

 ~ J e z z y

Last Call, Late December

The end of the year feels like last call at the nightclubs I used to frequent.

There’s the sobering quiet as the DJ shuts down the booth, and waitresses start piling empty glasses and bottles on their trays. It’s a different excitement now, one of looking forward. It’s no longer a celebration of the moment, but anticipation of a chance to stop. A moment to breathe. Two moments to rest. Closing time.

Where I used to work, the DJ closed the nights out with Madonna’s Take A Bow. To this day, that song puts me back there, waiting in the coat check room to hand out the last few remaining coats to shuffling patrons. It’s a melancholy I would rather leave in the past.

But this is the way these final days go. We wind down. We lived it up for a week or so there, right? We ate and gave and celebrated and now the lights are packed away and the streets are falling colder and darker under the threadbare of winter nights. I huddle in and hope my spirits outlive the season. I am eternally a soul of Spring, you see. I wither in the winter.

I have felt a bit quiet lately. It’s almost like a kind of hibernation. I watch less television and read more books. I check the weather and pray for unseasonable warmth so I can go outside. This house is rather cold, and the chill sits in my bones, even as I bundle under blankets and layers of clothes. I’ve nothing to do but sit with my anxiety and allow everything to engulf me in waves of helplessness.

Sure, that sounds pretty over dramatic, doesn’t it? But that’s what I do. I am easily frozen into inaction. That’s why everything around me feels so implausible, insurmountable, and chaotic.

But sometimes, I break a routine. Once in a while, I make progress. Occasionally, I surprise me.

At the beginning of 2022, I was terrified of the future. I felt powerless. Helpless. DOOMED. No, really. I was scared shitless. Of everything.

Now, we are sitting on the cusp of 2023.

I am a licensed real estate agent. I have a career, and not just a job. I am a professional.

Sure, I am a writer, a published one, and that is also a career. And one that is still moving forward, even if quietly. (I still have a few more announcements that need to be made, actually.) I still write new poetry regularly. I’ve had two stories accepted to anthologies this past year, and I collaborated on a second collection of poetry with some amazing friends. My wings are still spreading. I am not grounded.

So, moving forward, I will be pushing myself. To be brave. To be tenacious. To be confident. I’ve already achieved more than I thought I could.

I am still my mother’s daughter, but I am a version she didn’t see coming.

And I bet she’s proud.

Haipoo: 7 Poospectives in Pooetry

Here is something you didn’t know you needed and may not need but I am gonna try to sell it to you anyway because everyone craps sometimes.

Come on. You can’t deny it.

Shit happens.

As does haiku about shit. Or any other nefarious porcelain throne activities, I suppose.

But the one that really keeps us settled on the bowl gets a warm reception in this odd collection of homage and, well, horror.

I mean, who really writes poetry about poop?

Oh yeah. We do.

This book is a gift to your eyes (and butt) but also a gift to the eyes and butts of every guest that borrows your john.

And now that I have rambled on way too much about something most of us deem too uncouth for proper discussion, go pick up a copy. Your toilet will thank you.

So will your colon.

Plop (ha ha) on over and pick up your copy of Haipoo HERE!

Featuring pooetry by Sarah Hans, Kate Ingram, Jezzy Wolfe, Conner Muddiman, Donna J.W. Munro, Angela Yuriko Smith, and Anton Cancre, and cover photo by John Edward Lawson.

Weird Tales Announcement!

Absolutely THRILLED to announce that my poem, HELL DOES NOT BRING FIRE, has been published in the legendary horror fiction magazine, Weird Tales!

Weird Tales was originally published in 1923, and featured early fiction from well-known greats such as H.P. Lovecraft and Ray Bradbury. It was the quintessential publication for fantasy and horror fiction, and also included macabre poetry from masters like Edgar Allen Poe. The magazine has folded and changed hands many times over it’s lifetime, but it is currently back up and running under a new team of professionals. To be included in such a longtime cornerstone of horror fiction is an honor I only dreamed of achieving.

You can pick up issue #365 HERE. With so many talented names on that cover, you are guaranteed both entertainment…

and goosebumps!

Jumping In

Life, man.

I have sooo much to catch you up on. I have wonderful announcements I completely missed making here. This year has been rather wild and unexpected, and while it may not be reflected here, a LOT has happened for me!

For instance, I collaborated on another poetry collection, which came out earlier this year. I have two short stories appearing in two fantastic anthologies (and one is already available.) I finally saw my dream of appearing in Weird Tales Magazine come true. And I am included in a phenomenal TOC with a gaming franchise…something I never imagined I would  do.

Monstrum Poetica made it to the preliminary ballot for the 2021 Stokers awards. It was also nominated for an SFPA Elgin award, and made the list of nominees for Best Poetry collections from the Ladies of Horror Fiction. As my debut poetry collection, I am humbled by the love and attention it has received, and determined to keep pushing.

I made the list of finalists in the Crystal Lake Poetry Contest with my poem ‘dead above‘, about the Island of the Dolls in Mexico City.

On a personal front, this past spring, I took my classes to become a licensed real estate agent, and passed. I am now licensed and about to start my training. I cannot be more excited to embark on this new career path. But I am not going to quit writing.

I will be making more posts to address some of my announcements individually, and eventually, I will completely redo my publications page, as it is terribly out of date. This entire blog is a bit dated, isn’t it? I will correct that with haste. Stay tuned!

This truly is just the beginning, my friends.

Much love to you all…

~ Jezzy

Did Anyone Find That Ball I Dropped?

I am only 23 days behind on making my yearly New Year’s post. Only 144 days past announcing that my debut poetry collection… a little something I may have mentioned before, titled MONSTRUM POETICA… is now available for purchase. I also am behind on a number of other announcements. Eesh! Who is responsible for this malarky?!

I could’ve sworn I updated more recently. Um …whoops?

Suffice it to say, my marketing game is sad. I need to work on this. I have never been great at self-promotion, and now that I have more to promote, the inadequacy is downright appalling! If you have a few minutes, I will do my best to get you up to speed. Here, have some coffee… (also, pretend I just gave you some coffee.)

Monstrum Poetica released to all major online booksellers on September 2nd.  I am extremely humbled and grateful for the love it has received so far. If you would like to pick up a copy of my poetic ode to monsters, you can find it basically anywhere online that books are sold. Or you can grab a copy from the publisher, RAW DOG SCREAMING PRESS. While there, you can peruse their library of astounding titles. Have I mentioned lately the Raw Dog is one of the best? Well, they are. Pick up your copy of Monstrum HERE.

I am also thrilled to let you know that five of my poems appeared in the winter issue of Siren’s Call zine. You can download a copy of it for FREE to check out my pieces – Cold Case, Return By Fire, Ghost of the Armory, Sanguinary, and the permanence of impermanence. If you are unfamiliar with Siren’s Call, you are in for a treat. Every issue is crammed with a ton of fiction and poetry and artwork and articles! It is impressive, to say the least. Download your free copy of the Winter 2021 issue of Siren’s Call HERE.

I do have some upcoming announcements to make, as well, but I will make those when I have a better idea of when they will be available to the public. Fun and exciting stuff! Stay tuned for that.

But there is one more thing.

The preliminary ballots for the 2021 Bram Stoker Awards® have been announced, and MONSTRUM POETICA has made the list for Superior Achievement in a Poetry Collection!

This round of voting will determine who goes on to the final round of voting as an official nominee, so I am NOT nominated. But I have a chance… along with a stupendous lineup of other amazing poets and their collections! I am thrilled to even get this far, and to be listed alongside these talents. The results for nominations will be announced late February. Wish us all luck!

A Journey Backwards

I’ve always loved poetry, as far back as I can remember. I’ve also always loved to write it, even though it is trickier finding publishers who want to publish it these days. I suppose that baffles me. To each their own, I guess.

Before focusing my poetry on horror-themed topics, I wrote for myself. As a coping mechanism. Therapy. Catharsis. To exorcise my personal demons. While I cannot say any of them are particularly ‘horrific’, they all certainly qualify as dark.

Ultimately, I would still love to compile a collection of these poems. The trick would be finding a publisher to take them on. These are my babies. I was finding my voice when they came to me. One might say they are guilty pleasures, but they are mine, and I hope one day to see them in print. After all, not all monsters are so obvious.

Here is an oldie. Wrote this one in 2005. An experimental form…

 

Hallowed, Hollowed

Guess you could say I’m carving out a niche for myself. Of myself. Leaving behind the scant pieces of entrails and heart blossoms and looking to gray up anything red and vivacious. Think limestone statues. Marble would be too beautiful. How would I look, do you think? If I work quickly enough, maybe I can freeze the tears in place before they escape off my cheeks and disappear into green seas below my fluted Corinthian pedestal.

If I stand here long enough… still enough… will you begin to see through me?

As the last trace of pink transcends into cold porous rock, I fix my long lost blues upon you and wait. Holding my breath; oh wait, my lungs are slate. Searching stoically for any sign of recognition. Any sign that your hands can still press into me traces of our fist fueled fire. Mouth sealed shut, no uttered relents, no defeatist pleas. I wasn’t carved to care. Now I know I can beat you any day in a staring contest.

You flinch first, you lose… finally, I win!

I have chosen my spot wisely, facing an expansive glass of reflective movement. Erect, but never proud, my back does not bend anymore. A missing backbone will do that to you. Now that you know where to find me… now that you know where I’m planted… you can be sure to never stumble across my venue. Never trip upon my unmovable effigy and leave scarlet signatures in my asphalt epidermis. Only after the beating invader ceases its heartless protests. Be sure to miss the final betrayal as I yellow and shrivel into some aesthetically pleasant blossomed reminder. A marker by the water under Apollo’s coldest glare.

The heart is always the last to go, Clytie…   

 

©2005 Jezzy Wolfe

 

You Will Want These…

Preorders are still available for my debut poetry collection, MONSTRUM POETICA.

Why preorder? All preorders include a personally signed bookplate at no additional charge, and ship out automatically upon the release date. It includes an introduction by New York Times Bestselling Author Jonathan Maberry, and features cover art by the wicked Steven Archer. Those are rather nice incentives.

MONSTRUM is my homage to the terrors that have haunted us as long as we can remember. Those mysterious bumps in the dark, the eyes that we know are watching us, even when we turn and find no one. The chills that creep up our spines and the screams building in our throats. It’s a love letter, you might say, to that which thrills us. I truly hope you enjoy my little creation.

You can preorder MONSTRUM directly from the publisher, Raw Dog Screaming Press, or at any of the major online booksellers such as Amazon and Barnes & Noble. After September 2nd, it will no longer be a preorder, so don’t wait too long if you want that special bookplate!

IN OTHER NEWS:

Smart Rhino Publications has released it’s third installment in their Assassin series, ASININE ASSASSINS. With 24 stories featuring utterly ridiculous and fantastical assassins, this is sure to entertain, if not tickle your funny bone. Wanna laugh at completely inept and unexpected mercenaries? Well, here you go!

And one of those just may be a gang of hired hitmen otters. Just saying. That might be one of those 24 stories. Killer otters. Because the deadliest killer might also be the cutest.

But don’t take my word for it. Pick up a copy for yourself, and see. You won’t be disappointed. Smart Rhino always delivers a good time.

Pick up your copy of ASININE ASSASSINS HERE!

NOW AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER!

After much anticipation, Monstrum Poetica is officially scheduled for release September 2, 2021!

Available from Raw Dog Screaming Press, this poetry collection features monsters from around the world, and includes an introduction from New York Times Bestselling author Jonathan Maberry. You don’t have to wait until Sept 2 to order it, of course. All preordered copies will include a signed bookplate, so if you want a signed copy, now is the time!

Full details about the collection can be found over at Kendall Reviews, as well as the full cover reveal. The cover artist is Steven Archer, and I am really excited about this, so be sure to go check it out! A link for the preorders can also be found there.

I spent a LOT of time talking about this project, and the time has finally come to share it with you. I am so proud of this wicked little creation, and I do hope you will enjoy it!

Further announcements about Monstrum Poetica, as well as other projects, are soon coming.

Stay safe, and stay tuned!

~ Jezzy