Why I Can Write You Off

They warn you not to piss off authors. They say you’ll end up the hapless victim in their next bestseller. Maybe. But are you really that scared of being a faceless fictitious slaughter? Doesn’t seem like such a threat, does it? Be a little more concerned when that pissed author decides to offer you a haircut with a scythe. THAT might be a bit unsettling. Particularly if they start by saying, “I’m years overdue for an eye exam…”

But no such thing happens if I get pissed off. I won’t drain your last bloody ounce by vampire leeching. I won’t decapitate you with a flying tacking iron. I won’t get you drunk and push your VW off a cliff. 

Not in fiction, any way.

Piss me off, and you’ll know soon enough. Hurt my feelings, and the repercussions won’t be a mystery. It won’t take six months to a year for the book to hit the stands before you know what’s what.

I don’t seek vengeance. Not through stories, not in poems. 

When I’m hurt, I simply go away.

See? Not so scary. 

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