Archive for funny


Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 7, 2015 by jezzywolfe

I’ve been combing through my files again, namely files saved from my old Xanga blogs. I must have been drinking some special brew back then. I wish I could remember what it was…I could use more of it now.

So last night, I reformatted a completed story and submitted it to its first market. There’s a number of stories that need edits, some that need re-writes, some that need to be completed. I’m so distracted by everything around me, I’m afraid I’ll botch something up beyond repair. So I continue reading old files, trying to decide what is worth resurrecting, and what needs to go away for good.

For instance, this ridiculous blog post, which most likely made an appearance on TobyWillBiteYou in 2005. After too much caffeine. Or alcohol. I can’t tell now. All I know is I must have been on something…


“A Small Haiku in Honor of a Faded, Rumpled Ten Dollar Bill”

This whorish bill gives

Me a perverse little thrill

Then it says “buy-bye”.

JW 2005


Nothing like a title with as many syllables as the entire poem.

I have always loved the smell of money. Not new money, mind you, but money that has been around the block more than once or twice. Yeah… I like my dollars flimsy and easy and well-handled. And I’m not greedy; they can be all ones, as long as they have that particular ‘smell’. Sure, go ahead and try to tell me it is the mass accumulation of germs and microbes and God only knows what else contributing to that papery coppery aroma. Won’t make any difference to me. I will still fight the urge to bring each bill to my nose and breathe in that fragrant scent before I hand them off to some unappreciative cashier in exchange for goods not nearly as aromatic.

Tonight, I stared at the forlorn face of Abraham Lincoln. My bill had an identity crisis, wrinkled and creased, ink rubbed off from overuse. I loved it that much more, silently thanking it for the meager unworthy purchase of both baking powder, AND baking soda. A very powerful bill, indeed.

But our time together was brief, and passing. Imagine my child-like joyous surprise as I beheld the two bills given back to me. A five AND a one… it was my lucky day! I felt as if I had won the lottery. But I resisted the urge to spin around and plant a wet one on the complete stranger behind me, and shoved the wonderful additions carefully into my pocket. They are snuggly tucked in there, still.

I can’t part with them right away, you know. There’s a lot of sniffing to be had.


The more things change, the more they are different. But I still love the smell of used money. 


Freeze Tag Contest: ROUND 3!

Posted in Contest, Freeze Tag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 4, 2012 by jezzywolfe

I just want to say a quick ‘Thank You’ to my readers that have been playing along so far.  By humoring me and taking part in this contest, you are letting your freak flags fly.  Unless those are your undergarments up on the flag pole.  To which I say, “Nice choice!”   Either way, I appreciate your unabashed insanity.

With that said, the winner of a FREE copy of  ZIPPERED FLESH: TALES OF BODY ENHANCEMENTS GONE BAD! is


Congratulations!  You’re a weirdo!  And now you’re a weirdo with a free book!  Go, you!

This week’s prize! YUM!


I’m changing it up just a bit for this week’s round.  You’ll get a picture as your clue.  But I have faith that you totally get me, so this shouldn’t be hard.  Give me the correct word, and you will win a FREE copy of Library of the Living Dead’s BACONOLOGY.

What happens when horror meats bacon?  Something deliciously disturbing!  And as a bonus, reading this book will NOT go straight to your thighs!  Oink oink, bitches!

The clue this week is:

Hmmm… what could that be?

What is word 32 of that post?

Leave your answer on this post before 9pm est NEXT Friday night, and you could be a wiener!  Plus, you might win a free anthology.  Bonus!

Good luck!

(Ps ~ If this is your first time playing, you can find the detailed instructions for this game HERE.)